The mystics call the heart center, the spiritual center. While only at the midpoint of our chakra system, the heart center is complex. There are all the scars, the cracks, and the many layers of armor that we keep around it. None of us gets to adulthood without heart breaks and heart aches, grief and the pain of loss. There is always the invitation of our heart opening and healing. This is the journey to the heart.
This journey must be done solo. No one can do this for us; no one can feel our aches and pains. Even if we didn’t create the heart break, it is ours to heal.
“Make no mistake, love is the most powerful force there is, and when practiced with full intention, it can overcome any suffering we may experience.” – Mary Beth Janssen
This journey starts by honing awareness on the subtle stirrings. Either we feel a surge or energy around the heart, or we don’t. Either we listen and trust the whispers, or we don’t (which may prolong the journey in my experience). Either we close and clench, or we don’t.
Much like Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the typical journey to the heart begins with a foundation of stability and security. The grounding, rooting, and predictable support from others (parents, family, friends) leads us to the next level, moving toward self actualization. In theory. Real life is less certain and rarely aligns in such an organized manner.
Consider the journey to the heart officially underway when we go inward to “the heart of the matter” or when we are ready to explore complicated situations and feelings that likely have many stories attached. It is a lot to unpack! However, when we trust, when we are hydrated and nourished; when we have adequate rest, and feel safe we are better prepared for the journey. When I am hangry or tired, everything makes my heart reach for armor.
In his book “The Untethered Soul”, Michael Singer suggests that the only way we grow spiritually is to refrain from the habitual closing off or our heart. “You don’t have to worry about other people’s issues. You only have to be willing to open your heart in the face of anything and everything, and permit the purification process to take place”. I first read this over 10 years ago and am still trying to practice this.
The journey to my heart invited me to examine small moments when there is a felt response. Moments of terror, fear, accomplishment, joy, hurt, neglect, pain, vulnerability and yes… pure love. Pure love shows up regularly in heart-felt conversations with friends, walks with my adult children, during listening circles, connections with my partner, having our dog Tucker in my lap. I felt pure love after our studio staff holiday gathering earlier this year and cried tears of joy all the way home.
My heart hurts and closes when I feel invisible; or excluded from friends. When I harshly judge myself or set unrealistic expectations. When I try to control things that I cannot change or when I look at life through the lens of wins or losses. Just this week I had the experience of feeling taken advantage of by a contractor charging fees that seemed unreasonable. I closed off any compassion or intention of understanding; I could only see myself as a victim. Then, after a good night of sleep and talking it through with a loving partner, it made sense to ask more questions and get clarification. I’m still not happy about the fees, but my heart is no longer feeling heavy towards this person that I generally like. I no longer feel like a victim. Avoiding confrontations equals armor around the heart for me. I’ve spent too many years doing this!!
An unexpected journey to my heart was a chance to heal something from my past; a wound I didn’t even acknowlege was present . I have recently been reconnected with a former step-mother named Donna. She is not someone who was ever on my radar or someone I even thought about. I haven’t had contact with her in over 45 years. Along comes the Christmas card in the mail with a two page letter and offers of prayer in daily mass. Initially, my heart felt closed and hard as I remembered the resentments I have held for all these years. Resentments I did not even realize were buried in my heart. When she and my father were married, we moved away from the stability of home, of life long friends and support systems so they could start a life together in a new town and we had to go too. It all came rushing back and the ache in my heart was real.
“Love is the bridge between you and everything.” – Rumi
Each time I read her letter, it softened me a bit more and it occurred to me that she is a lovely person. It took about a month, but I was finally able to write back to her and feel my heart open. It felt like an invitation to love her, to understand her. Somehow I know deep down, that a big crack in my 13-year-old heart has started to mend.
Life keeps inviting us back to love; back to our heart and spiritual center. Look, listen, notice and feel. The journey is worth it.